Posted by: ellyn
on Jun 29, 2011
I really enjoyed and felt enlivened by David Schnarch's presentation and felt like a professional "prayer" was answered as I have struggled in the past decade with the direction couples therapy was going with the dominance of attachment, neurobiology and EFT focus as THE ANSWER, the ONE TRUE path to helping clients become whole, satisfied and intimate beings and partners.
While the attachment research has been an asset to clinicians, where I find myself confused and perplexed is when the research on attachment is applied to clinical interpretations of what a resilient, loving adult relationship is and should be. Maybe it’s me, but so often I hear at these conferences the call to help our clients create the pristine, secure attachment with their significant other that they “should have had” or “needed” with their primary caregiver.
I am of the belief that human beings and all beings always have the opportunity to evolve or change, and sometimes not at our own initiation. That is the nature of existing or co-existing. We are influenced by factors both within and outside of ourselves. To this end I have always believed that the original attachment bond is certainly important to the social, emotional and psychological aspects of the infant, but like so many systems in the human and other parts of nature, there is overlap in the system designed to ensure survival. Thinking along these lines, I believe that any of us who do not receive optimal bonding have innumerable opportunities in our lifetimes to change, repair or replace that bonding, and that the choice is the most reliable when it begins with ourselves.
Posted by: ellyn
on Jun 15, 2011
As you and my other loyal readers know, I am constantly looking for effective ways to integrate the best concepts from Attachment Theory, Differentiation Theory and Neuroscience into my couples work. As far back as 1995, I set up a live debate between Harville Hendrix, David Schnarch and myself on this topic. In my consultation groups we are always working to push the edges of these theories and apply them to challenging couples, learning how to distinguish when to use interventions from each of these theories.
