I am thrilled by how many of you took time to think about the transcript I posted last month. I enjoyed reading your perspectives and seeing your comments about my interventions. Before giving you the second section of the transcript, I want to reflect first on some of the questions and comments.

A very good, old friend from Belgium wrote and said that it was hard to understand the true meaning of each role.  So, let's start there.

The initiator is the person who takes action and raises an issue first. The initiating partner brings a topic to the attention of both people in the couple. Initiation can be very passive and undifferentiated or it can be very active and well defined. However, either way the initiator is the one who experiences some tension and brings the stress to the attention of both people.

Stress can be positive or negative. It can be tension that shows desire to move towards positive growth or change in the relationship. The stress may also occur because:

1. A partner is having old issues or trauma triggered
2. A partner feels like a victim, gets angry and remains mostly passive
3. A partner is tired, hungry, overloaded or overwhelmed and starts to regress
4. A partner recognizes an arena where there is significant disagreement and wants to negotiate a good solution

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